Bismillahhirrahmanirrahim 🙂 so happy. hee.
I know. I know. It’s been a while since I posted anything. My time had been occupied with an adolescent baby and…oh I just mean babies. Just kidding. Life is just not as straight forward anymore, seriously. Plans go awry all the time. Alas, we still just have to move on and keep planning.
Getting a job was a straight forward thing for me once upon a time ago. For example my first job in Cheras, KL. After a month coming back from the US and staying at home sweet home Jitra, all of a sudden Mr. Father went berserk thinking their grown up kids were going to stay as noble monks in his grand cave house forever. He said get a job! So I applied for a job, within 15 minutes I got a call for an interview. I said ‘Yes!’ How easy was life. Mr. Father was quite surprised and happy about that but then remarked “You shall come and make a courtesy visit to the abode at least twice a week, in honor of your parents who miss you dearly…and prepare for your wedding.”
Then came marriage…and mommyhood. I could set myself on the lose and run wild like I’ve no responsibilities pursuing everything I’ve always wanted. But that’s not what I signed up for. Now if I wanted a full time job, I would have to think about the location, time and demand, present in the board meeting chaired by big boss and her personal assistant, getting the consensus and approved by the PA (PA is the key person in making big decisions and executing them. Big boss is as big boss does, just know how to give orders and want what they want = baby) .
Men, going to bed means they directly dive into the bed and sleep. For me it means, getting changed, wash some dishes, clear out some toys or clothes, change baby’s diaper, nurse her, put her to sleep first, think about what to wear and plan for tomorrow, as many women and mothers do too, I bet. Then we could sleep soundly. Not very straight forward is it. Lencong merata. Going shopping now means doing the groceries, household and baby’s stuff. Going to usrah now means, trying my best to attentively engage with my peers and doing some deep thought thinking while chaperoning baby’s play date, making sure they don’t try to kill each other during what supposedly be waaay past their bedtime at 9 -11pm.
The same case when I plan to write, read a book or create something. It requires a couple of hours of concentration and alone time, which is scarce nowadays. Have to korek here and there in between times like when the baby is asleep, in the car and in the toilet (even then, always followed by a half knocking and half slapping sound at the door. She’s still grasping the skill of knocking). When Abe was on his mandatory leave for 11 days, I was automatically on mandatory leave for 11 days too. Likewise when he had to go abroad for almost three months back to back and requested his spouse to be beside him. So, upon planning when plan A fails, plan B it is then.
Alhamdulillah this makes me appreciate time even more. Time for each other and other people. Most crucially, time spent alive, before death. Gretchen Rubin’s remind me “The days are long but the years are short”. I can forgive myself for not being the most productive employee or designer for a couple of years but I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself for not being the best parent and spouse for a couple of years. For these are my long term investment. They are not merely a goal for me to hit or attain, but a resolution for me to keep and maintain. Both requires a lot of preparation and planning.
Here’s a good article you might be interested to read: “10 Things I’ve Learned in the First 5 Years of Marriage” goo.gl/qbBsJP
At the rudimentary stage of marriage and parenthood, the seeds of relationship are still fragile. Why do babies keep hanging onto their mothers like their own shadows, never wanting to let go? As though nine months in the womb all to herself and her mother alone was not enough. It’s their mammalian survival needs to stay with who they believe are their caretakers and not with strangers. On the other hand, newly wed couples are at greater risk of divorcing before their fifth anniversary is reported in vast amount of studies. While I myself know of four couples who went through divorce early in their marriage. It’s not pleasant for anybody but yeah, true story. Hence, anything premature or still at its infancy requires a bit more attention and special treatment. May Allah help us provide that for our family, amin, regardless of whatever circumstance and situation we are in. Living on edge or going against the popular mainstream, I consider myself lucky as Allah lends me such an understanding, supportive and loving husband who shares the same vision as me.
We’re planning as we go. We’re still in the trial and error phase, until we settle on what works for all of us.
So really it’s OK if everything doesn’t flow as smoothly as planned thesedays although yes, I do feel a bit anxious when I’m not in total control of my life so much anymore. But it’s expected to be that way. Plus, when was I in total control of my life prior to marriage and motherhood anyway? Wasn’t it Allah’s planning all the way through that I got to where I was? I never dreamed of living in the UK, studying in the US. I didn’t plan to marry my hazband and stay in KL (i mean, KL?!??) especially after I was long forgotten and left clueless of his existence (yeaa, dia tergamak…sian saya. Inside story). Alhamdulillah nevertheless. Those were some of the best things that had happened to me. “(…) But they plan and Allah plans. And Allah is the best planner” Al-Anfal (8:30).
For as long as I stand by my priorities, my path may not be straight but inshallah Allah will set my path right. Please Allah pleassseeee. Everything is a matter of time. When time matters, inshallah we wouldn’t be wasting it over unnecessary concern, oppressing people, uninspiring places that don’t nourish our growth. It’s OK that things are not so straight forward. Even though my heart swings back and forth between the need for routine work and the urge to run free, spontaneous to us is Allah’s best plan for us. Plus, where’s the adventure in riding a roller coaster that just goes straight? Boring!